10 Years since I lost Daddy

Tomorrow marks 10 years since my dad passed away from complications following gastric bypass surgery.

Whoa. 

10 years, that’s a decade. 

I was 24 and he was 58.

Unfortunately, I have unnecessary drama with my mom right now so I will save a better post about my dad for another day. The sad reality is the 10 years that he’s been gone have also led to the 10 worst years in my relationship with my mom. A relationship that was rocky to begin with due to her alcoholism and emotional abuse.

Anyway a friend who lost her dad a year ago posted this on FB yesterday and it’s just so damn true. 

His death was at the same time not a surprise and utterly unexpected. I feel both lucky to have had my dad for so many years and angry that he was taken from me when I and he were too young. If I know anything better today than I did last year, it is exactly how complicated and messy life and death and grief are. I choose to remember above else his kind heart and his sensitive loving soul. 

I’d add that my dad was freaking hilarious and his humor is something I will never forget. 

The complications of life and death and grief were something I wasn’t expecting and it really causes tremendous pain. 

Love you Daddy.

WIW – Slippery Slope

Last Week: 192

Today: 193.3

Change: +1.3

I have just hit a willpower wall, a wall I usually hit this time of year. Less daylight hours, more comfort food. It’s not a great mix. 

I’m still working out 3-4x a week, but I’m also living my life. Lots of parties, travels, occasions. I do best in my weight loss journey when I have less going on in my life. Even with all my work stress, I didn’t have a ton of “fun distractions.”

I’m not giving up on 2017, but I am also ONCE AGAIN, planning on how I can start 2018 off strong. I don’t want to undo even more of my hard working getting these 15 (not 10 lbs off). Let’s see if I can at least stay in cruise control.