WORK RAGE

Some of my work partners are just terrible and frustrating. Some of the problem children from last year WHO I BLAMED MYSELF FOR UPSETTING/BEING DIFFICULT are upset and difficult again this year, despite SO MUCH COMMUNICATION and advanced planning.

Last year I was in year one of my job and an office of one (due to improper staffing and turnover). I was working SO HARD, but I knew not at the level I could/would want to be at, but I was doing better than most would think is humanly possible. I took on so much stress and beat myself up so hard for “disappointing” and “letting people down.” So much so that it really spiked my Workaholic tendencies which really came to a head last summer and led me to go to counseling and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

Yet here were are a year later, I have a team. We are doing great work. We are cleaning up the mess of a department I inherited and creating systems, protocols, communication channels and communication timelines. And yet it’s not good enough and I’m essentially getting attacked and criticized via email and to my face.

Thankfully, only now I can finally see it’s THEIR PROBLEM. They don’t think or care about my department’s work until May and ignored meeting invites and emails over the past several months. We have regular partner planning meetings – which THEY tell us who should sit on it. Not my problem if their designee is not going, not reporting back, or you aren’t asking for an update.

YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT MY PROBLEM.  AND HOW DARE THEY TRY AND SAY OTHERWISE. 

I am so triggered, but I am naming it and trying to breathe. I hope I can let it go and not let it haunt me all day.

Well instead of wallowing after my cancelled Raleigh trip I decided to spend yesterday and today being productive (and burning a lot of calories outside). Excited to see my Impatiens take root and flourish!

*a sunburnt tramp stamp is an unfortunate consequence of being an old millennial homeowner haha. Next time I’ll remember to apply my sunscreen there too!

Travel Fail

Greetings from hour two at Dulles airport waiting on my flight to Raleigh.

I planned a secret trip to surprise my good friend A for her birthday. Originally I thought I had my urban hiking class this week and so I wasn’t going to be able to partake in birthday activities but when I realized I didn’t have class I coordinated with some of my friends who were planning to go down to Raleigh. They all were leaving yesterday and driving down but I couldn’t make it so I booked a one-way flight for this morning and then the plan is to drive back with the girls tomorrow. I’m just annoyed because it was an early morning and I was hoping to spend the whole day with them today.

I left my house at 6:40 this morning to take a lyft to the airport and was running early for my first time ever but my 8:25 flight keeps getting delayed due to fog so I’m looking at a 10:45 departure time. The flight itself is just over an hour and I’m looking at 2 ½ hours worth of delay so stupid!!! Uggghhhh.

I’m currently voice to texting this post as I’m power walking in airport getting steps in! I also plan to whip out my hair straightener in the bathroom and do my hair since it looks like I will have to meet folks at lunch straight from the airport as opposed to stopping at my friends place first.

I was so excited about this fun surprise and making the decision to book a one-way flight but ultimately it would’ve been faster to drive down there at this point. Boo hissssss

UPDATE: after 3 hours at the airport my flight got cancelled and they wouldn’t have been able to rebook me until tonight so I demanded a refund and I’m heading home. FaceTimed with the birthday girl to deliver the sad news 😭

For most of my life I’ve been a private person, fiercely so (most of my friend and family don’t even know this blog exists, it’s been my own sanctuary space). The primary reason being a classic defense mechanism to prevent being vulnerable. Lately, I’ve been shifting toward other healthier coping mechanisms that aren’t as isolating.

A private aspect of my life that I’ve only very recently begun talking about outside my closest circles is one worth sharing today, my Dad’s Birthday.

About 5 years after my parents separated my Dad slowly and quietly came out of the closet as a gay man. It wasn’t until about 3 years before his death that both him and I were able to begin comfortably talking about his identity and his partner. I supported my Dad and loved him fully, but also struggled at times.

I remember being 22 and wishing I could read about or talk with other adult children of gay parents or parents who came out later in life, I felt so alone. Fortunately times have changed so much over these past 10+ years. However, I never really got to fully embrace this aspect of my identity because when I was 24 my Dad died unexpectedly. All of a sudden I was a daughter without a father as opposed to the daughter of a gay father. Yet, both of these identities are important to me and have shaped me beyond measure.

I’m so very proud to be my father’s daughter. I thank him especially for giving me his sense of humor, ingenuity, and love of musicals. To know me is to know him and on his birthday I wanted to honor and share a part of us. Happy Birthday Daddy, I miss you every single day ❤️ 4.25.49-11.18.07

WIW

Last week: 180.5

This week: 179.9

Change: -0.6

170ssssss!! You have eluded me since 2012, it feels so good to be here!

When I restarted this effort after Christmas I set my fitbit goal weight to 179, thinking that my true goal weight of 168 was impossible. I’m ready and motivated to chase down the 160s!

Tried this Le Tote shirt on again last night and it is just more of a fitted style, so I decided to wear to work today and was happy with it! I think it’s just me equating clothes that were tight on me when I was heavier with feeling tight as opposed to fitted. The mental side of weight loss is the real tricky part!

Since I’ve been a better blogger these past few months, I feel like I’ve had more meaningful relationships on here with friends new and old. Tagged by @losingitinvirginia

Name:  Jenn

Nickname:  Jenn, Jenniac (like maniac)

Zodiac Sign: Leo ::rawr::  

Height:  5′9.5″ (that .5 is very important)

Languages spoken: English. 

Favorite Fruit: Bartlett pear, pineapple, ANY berry

Favorite Season: the early crisp days of Fall

Favorite Scent: Fresh Balsam 

Favorite Color: ORANGE! It’s bright and loud like me!

Favorite Animal: Dogs, specifically my Pomerian Freddie!

# of blankets you sleep with: Sheet, comforter, and usually a fuzzy blanket on top of that and I wear socks to bed like 10 months out of the year!

Average Hours of Sleep: 7ish, but I am for 9-10 on weekends

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee – toasted almond flavored

Favorite fictional character: Wow that’s a tough one. I’m going to go with Chandler Bing from Friends.

Dream Trip: Wedding in Portugal and Honeymoon in Greece (hopefully coming Sept 2019)  

Blog Created:  MeasuringLife was born Jan 3, 2010on Blogspot and then in May 2010 I moved over to Tumblr

Weird interest:  Astrology? David Cook?  (He’s a Sagittarius, but on the cusp of Capricorn BTW) 

Favorite art medium: Live theatre/music

Favorite article of clothing:  My “jammies” which aka my fleece one-piece pajamas. T and I both like lounging around in house in ours! 

I’m tagging @amanda-healthyhappywhole @tabby2tigress @feabhsu @avocado-athlete @marathonmelissa