I had a great time with the professor yesterday – I find him fascinating and stimulating and intimidating and charming and I’m pretty sure he also finds me to be those things. It’s just so interesting to see my love life meet my weight loss life. Lots of insecurities and excitement at the same time. I have a lot on my mind today.
This quote from a fellow fitblr that I saved comes to mind:
“There’s a reconditioning of your brain from fat-girl to fit-girl, to believing in what you can and have accomplished, and not psyching yourself out about it all.”
It also doesn’t help that I’m like an emotional cripple with mental problems and unresolved daddy issues. Being vulnerable is not really my scene – I have lots of walls I highly guard and being fat helped keep people away. Then I get mad about how it took losing nearly 40 pounds for people to take notice. Then at the same time I’m like well being thinner could allow me to cast a wider net and why settle first fish that I catch. God I’m a bitch. I don’t even know what I want…I’m such a mess. I need to stop thinking and just live and let be, but it’s so much easier said than done.
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