Month: November 2011

Unraveling

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO TO SPIN CLASS WHERE I COULD SWEAT AND CRY PUBLICLY IN THE DARK.

But NO, spin class was FULL. FULL. It’s never been full in the 14 month history of me going to gym class.

It was the straw that broke the camels back. I had to drive home before I lost it. Which meant sobbing, gutwretching sobs in my bed just now.

I am not doing well guys.

It doesn’t help that my newsfeed is chock full of pictures and updates of Wiley and his new girlfriend. What the serious fuck. He rarely used facebook, he’s acting out of character overall and hurting me in the process.

I broke down privately a few times at work today. I just don’t want to be at work anymore. I want to be at a new job back in the northeast near all my friends and family. I’ve wanted that for a long time and especially now.

I’m also struggling because next Friday, the 18th, will mark 4 years since I lost my dad. I can’t even get into that now.

In “strange ways to kick me when. I’m down” news my arch-nemisis (yes I have one) got married this past Friday. She looked beautiful and happy. It made me sick and jealous all at once. Especially the pictures of her dad walking her down the aisle.

I’m drowning in my glass case of emotions and I don’t know how to fix myself. All I can do is write. Writing has always been my escape and a way to heal. Believe me my paper journal is chock full of pages of the past few days, but I needed to put it here too.

I’m not the biggest Bible verse/Scripture person, but this has popped up in my life twice in the past 24 hours:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

I really want to work out with you! I need a workout buddy! Please text me/call me when you are working out! ~A.G

Hey, I miss you. Just saying. Also, I’m in need of a running trainer stat. Interested? ~B.P

One of my students direct messaged me on twitter and another wrote on my facebook.

I love messages like that. I’m going to be more intentional about directly inviting people to work out with me. I may even lead a 30 day shred challenge or something!

NYC Fitblr Meetup

Calling all NYC fitblrs and those near NYC.

I will be at my Mom’s on Long Island for some time around Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have casually mentioned organizing a meet up last year, but I’m committed because you guys have been such a big part of my life now for 1.5 years and I would love nothing more that to continue grow our relationships. Especially when I hope to move back to the northeast ASAP. Please fill out the doodle poll and based on which date(s) are popular we can go from there. 

http://www.doodle.com/skur749p4vpbgt2w

There are additional instructions on the doodle. It’s open to anyone who will be in the NYC area or willing to come to NYC area over the holidays!

Time Maximizer

I dropped my car off for an oil change, etc after work. I packed gym clothes and changed at the dealership. There is a great bike path right near the dealership – that’s I’ve always noticed, but never explored. So I knocked out 3 VERY QUICK miles and enjoyed the beautiful fall foliage. 

RnR NOLA

When a ton of you jumped on the RnR New Orleans race after that crazy Saints win, I was bummed about timing. However I realized my marathon training plans have 12 miles for that day. HMMMMMM – I could gingerly walk the first mile and then “run” the last 12. NOT RACE, just a training run.

Plus of one my IRL besties http://hotshotattorneyontherun.tumblr.com/ is thinking about doing it. Where’s that roll call list of who is running it. AND let’s hope the Saints wipe the floor with another team real soon! 

When you reframe setbacks as opportunities, you will find that you gain much more than you have lost.

Thanks to those who have supported me throughout this break up. I have no ill will towards Wiley and I know he’s hurting too. He’s just choosing to deal with it differently. I hate it, don’t get me wrong, but it puts a “finality” on us as a couple that I couldn’t truly bring myself to think about. 

Regardless I know I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on. I can continue to move forward on my journey. I’m learning to trust God more than I trust myself.