A college friend of mine who I lost touch with has recently re-entered the social media world and joined the blogging world. She was in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic – they were engaged and living together, until this summer when we finally got the courage to leave. She took to blogging as a form of self-therapy. She was always a runner, but really got serious about it with her former fiance. Below is one of her posts about marathon training.
Well I bit the bullet and did it. What, you ask? I registered for the Cox Rhode Races Marathon in Providence on May 6th, 2012.
And just to clarify, a marathon is 26.2 miles. ALWAYS. Doesn’t change. EVER.
No matter where you run one? Nope, no matter where you run one. I point this out because I often find myself explaining to people how long a marathon is. Like my own father for instance…
“So you ran a marathon, what’s that like 20 miles?” It’s actually 26.2
“Even the ones you ran?” Yes, even the ones I ran… unfortunately for my hips they did not shorten the course.
What’s most fun is the mass confusion that arises if god forbid you mention running a half marathon. I won’t even get into it; but most people can’t just simply divide the already confusing 26.2 in half and arrive at 13.1. All sorts of crazy distances come out to play here when guessing the course length.
I don’t blame people for their confusion however, because there is some (true) statistic out there that states that only roughly 1% of the world’s population has ever run a marathon. So that just makes me part of the “in” crowd…OR…crazy.
ANYWAYS, I got sidetracked for a minute there. Back to the point of my story. I’ve been hemming and hawing for quite a while if I had another marathon in me. I ran the Providence marathon in 2009 to qualify for Boston, and then ran the Boston Marathon in 2010. And as you know already, 2011 has been a less than stellar year and no marathon was run.
My hesitation to sign up and train for another marathon runs a little bit deeper than worrying about developing bursitis in my hips again and being out of running commission for a month or two (if you find out I have this again, please steer clear of me and have me locked up in a room somewhere until I’m allowed to run again, because my demeanor is NOT PRETTY). I would also like to avoid another bout of physical therapy if only because the entire 3 months of my treatment I was accused of having an affair with my doctor because he was MALE. It’s amazing how sneaky I was to avoid running for THREE WHOLE MONTHS just to have relations with a married man. Because that’s right up my ally. Sigh.
So if I’m not worried about an annoying hip injury, and I’ve already run 2 marathons and countless half marathons, what exactly is my problem? My problem is this: I’ve never run a marathon BY MYSELF.
Well, Melissa who’s legs ran the races for you then?
Okay so my own two little legs ran par the course, but I always had “him” on one side of me and for some reason my crazy little manipulated brain still believes I COULDN’T POSSIBLY RUN a marathon with no one running with me to get me to the finish line.
Somewhere along the lines of “No one will ever love you like I do,” “No one will ever want you again,” and “You are annoying” is another line that goes a little something like “The only reason you can run in the first place is BECAUSE of me.”
And you know what? THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
For goodness sakes’ I got up every Saturday morning in the dead of winter and completed a training run of anywhere from 12-20 miles for 5 or 6 months at a time in addition to logging over 50 miles per week. No one had to pick me up out of bed and push me out the door. I did the aforementioned all on my own, and willingly. In fact often times I had to beg “him” to get outside and do a long run because at the time “he” didn’t need to log the miles, he was already a world-renowned marathoner and could run one in his sleep. And now that I think back, he actually made me feel like HE was doing ME a favor by helping me to train for a marathon because he was already so awesome at it.
At the time I was so appreciative of his “efforts” in molding and shaping me into a “REAL” runner. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, running is a very individualistic sport and no one can just wave their magic wand and turn you into a runner. Sure they can give you advice and push you to be better, but you actually have to get off your butt and just get out there and DO IT. So why was I so caught up in HIS coaching and “YOU NEED ME” mentality? Because he stripped away my self-esteem and self-confidence, remember?
For the better part of a year and a half I’ve been running without him on the road and during races…and I’m quite used to it. I actually thrive on running alone now…it’s my “ME” time and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I’m not sure what gave me the final “push” today. Maybe it was the fact that the NYC marathon happened this past weekend, or the fact that I stalk many “running’” blogs daily and am jealous of the runners who have marathons on their docket, or maybe because I’m Type-A and goal-orientated I need something else to check off and say I’ve accomplished.
But at the end of the day I think it comes down to this: I need to RUN THIS MARATHON for MYSELF; if only to prove that “he” doesn’t have a hold on my running ability anymore than he does on my LIFE. I took my life back in July and on May 6th 2012 I will be kicking that course’s butt and taking my running back too!
“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”
-John Bingham
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