When it comes to body image, my weight is/was only one part of my issue with my size.
Not only did a spend a majority of my life overweight, but I’ve always been “the tall girl.” I was one of a few girls that shot up in 5th-6th grade and had to wait until high school for guys to catch up…and in many cases I’m still waiting on them to catch up.
I’ve lost nearly 50 pounds, but regardless of how much weight I lose I will always be big at 5 foot 9.5 inches tall.
Being big has always been a hang up for me when it comes to dating.
Last weekend I went out with a guy who was 6’2 – it was amazing how little and confident I felt. Yesterday I went out with a guy who was like 5’10. In fact my roommate texted me to ask how tall he was while I was out because in less than 3 months of being my roommate she knows how height is such an issue for me. I just have a hard time feeling attractive around guys who are close in height to me and in turn being attracted to them.
As I was talking to my roommate about this after the date and IT HIT ME. Since the average american man is 5’10 and woman is 5’4 if I date guys who are an average height I’m considered/perceived as the BIG one – the weirdo. I then think of my roommate who is 5’4 and her ex boyfriend was like 5’8 and he was considered the LITTLE one – the weirdo.
I can’t win unless I date a guy who is above average in height. My big issue is being the “stand out” or weirdo.
I want a big tall guy, but they are so far and few in between. My self confidence is always SO different in the presence of other tall people (even other tall woman), because it makes me feel less like a weird giant.
I’m way above average in terms of height and the only way to not feel big is to be around other above average height people, and this is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships.
I hate that I write people off for not being tall enough, but my self image is so closely connected to the sense of feeling like a big giant and feeling like not the big one is something really important to me right now. I’ve put in too much damn work to not be perceived as BIG.
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