My ex-boyfriend, Wiley, got engaged yesterday. I had a weird feeling recently that it was coming. Thankfully I didn’t have facebook tell me directly. I think seeing it without warning like that would have jolted me a bit. My friend Sara texted me to tell me (she saw it on facebook). She didn’t want to the bearer of the news, but she also wanted me to know. I SO appreciate that she did. Not wanting my other best friends to worry about having to telling me I sent a few text messages to them. I got a number of really great messages that reminded me what I already knew.
I am weirdly okay. I didn’t want the life that being with him would have given me. The fact that what I thought was a 22 year old rebound turned into something serious is the part the annoys me, but that’s really it. I chose to chase my dreams and create the life I want.
I’ll share this quote from Eat, Pray, Love that my same dear friend Sara sent me one day a little while ago when I was feeling emotional about Wiley.
I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.” He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.“But I love him.”“So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”
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