AFAA (Athletics & Fitness Association of America) crunch time. Making the most of my staycation. I reviewed the text book weekly over the past few months, then I took a break to focus on BodyPump. Now it’s time to review/cram!
I plan to take the groups fitness certification exam before the end of the year!
Maybe I’m not a big holiday person because holidays equate with families and I’m not really a family person. Yes, I know (and believe) family can mean many different things, but when it comes to holidays that’s generally the blood-related family time. I saw some of my family at Thanksgiving so we’re staying local for Christmas and we’ll spend tomorrow with my fiance’s family. Most of my holiday memories involve yelling, feeling uncomfortable, and that feeling of sitting on pins and needles. I’ve long established that my mom is a terror, but so is her sister and their mother. The holidays for a long whole meant bringing all 3 of them together and it was just horrific, carnage everywhere.
The mental and emotional trauma of these days will never really be something I think I can totally heal from. From little things like being forced to eat fish on Christmas Eve at my grandmother’s house before we could open presents to explosive fights over stuffing at Thanksgiving that resulted in my mom kicking my Aunt and her family out of the house before dinner and then her throwing most of the food she made away while my sister, Dad and I just sat shell-shocked and yet not totally surprised. My “traditional” holiday task since I turned 18 has been buying my mom cigarettes – Capri ultralights. Mom never lets me drive her car, except to buy her cigarettes. One year I found a local Turkey Trot a few towns over and wanted to run it with my sister, but my mom refused to let me drive her car. I knew there was no winning because she likes to keep control over the few things she has control over, but still, it was a big fight that year. When I was home for Christmas last year fetching her cigarettes was the last request I fulfilled for her – in my car because I can no longer stand to be there without a clear escape option.
My adult years involve finding alcohol my mom hid around the house and trying to dump enough of it that wouldn’t result in me getting lashed out at. I also often spend the holidays get slurred at from my mom about “when does she get to be Grandma,” meaning when does someone else host Christmas since my Grandmother stopped hosting holidays after my Grandpa died when I was 12. For the record, I would LOVE to host a holiday and have offered, but that would involve my mom coming to my house. Which means leaving Long Island and being in a car for more than 40 minutes which are all things she doesn’t do. She came up to my grad school graduation in eastern Connecticut for the day with my grandma in 2007. That’s the last time she traveled for me and she constantly reminded me of what a taxing request it was for her to drive 2.5 hours each way. Aside from that, she hasn’t seen a place where I lived since I was a freshman in college, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.
Social media makes this time of year especially painful because sometimes I like to imagine all families are as broken and dysfunctional as mine, but then I see pictures of family game nights, family Christmas pajama parties, family hat parades, and more. It breaks my heart every single year and yet like a car accident I can’t look away. I get kicked while I’m down during the holidays thanks to the TimeHop app. Here’s a random sample of what popped up today – Christmas Eve:
If this is the stuff I felt comfortable posting – crying for help – via twitter or other social media you can only imagine what I didn’t post. In reflecting on horrible holidays what does it say that Thanksgiving 2007 doesn’t even crack the top 5 of horrible? Let me remind you my Dad died unexpectedly the Sunday before Thanksgiving that year and his wake and funeral were the 2 days after Thanksgiving. Yet I truthfully have had worst holidays. Bah Humbug feels like an appropriate way to end this post.
For the past 6 months as part of a weekly goal setting practice I’ve listed 5 things I’m grateful for each week. I went back through my documents and pulled my 5 from each week and made it a word cloud.
This is a great way to sum up my 2018, but don’t you worry I’ll be writing a full wrap up post on 12/31 which happens to fall on a Measuring Monday writing day!
I noticed today that the outfit I was wearing was almost the same as this Feb 2017 picture with my sister C. However there is a 22 lb difference!
I had just started @ww the month prior. My sister who is a fitness instructor in NYC came down to visit and she purposely brought these pants since we both had them to wear to a BodyPump class.
I remember feeling good when we took to the picture until I saw the picture. I’m coming after you C to be the more lean and toned sister! Thank you C for setting the bar and showing me that we can fight our genetics!
I couldn’t make my regular weight watchers meeting this week so I went to my local @ww studio meeting this morning at 8:30AM. I really like this leader, this is my second meeting with her. I’ve struggled with connecting with the ww coaches, especially my at work leader. I sure like the convenience of my work meeting, but I like the motivation I get from these Saturday meetings.
With an early start to my day I had time for coffee and eggs at home. Now I’m off to BodyPump class (as a participant).
Yaaaaas my @fitbit heart rate range finally clicked from 37-41 to 38-42! Next up being fully in the Very Good range!
I’m working on this already, but even more so in 2019!
Thanks for the motivation @everydollar @champagneandcapitalgains @nerdsguidetowellness @rachelcruze @thesavingsdiva @thefinancialdiet
Let me tell you a story about this dress. You may recall ?range is my favorite color, so when I came across this dress in July 2010 I knew I had to have it. At the time I was 6 months into my fitness and weight loss journey. This dress was an Anne Klein size 14 dress that aaaaaalmost fit. I bought it with hopes to wear it to a December wedding.
I really got into my fitness groove that fall and when I went to try it on in November it was a bit too big! So I had it taken in and wore it to the wedding which is where these pictures are from.
I got so many compliments on the dress, but by the time I had other opportunities to wear it, it didn’t fit anymore. Well guess what it fits again and I’m determined to wear it to an event soon! I longed for years to look like this again and I’m so happy I didn’t give up!
I was never the person who dreamed about their wedding, in fact I actually began to dread the reality of it – the family drama, the finances, the planning. NIGHTMARE. My then-boyfriend and I moved in together to a house he bought in Summer 2016. Not too long after on social media or tumblr I posted that as much as I want to get engaged, I was starting to understand the weight of the wedding extravaganza and wasn’t looking forward to the circus. Well of course soon after I posted that we got engaged in February 2017.
I remember asking him soon after he proposed why did he do this to me NOW?! I was literally at the beginning of a long Spring as a one person office at work and we were planning on doing major home renovations. I didn’t even have time to think about a wedding. So when people asked I said Fall 2018 because I knew Fall was the best time for me to take off of work and I like that time of year. Fall 2018 seemed so far off when we got engaged. The only thing we knew was that we wanted a beach wedding, but September-October is hurricane season on the east coast. So I googled something along the lines of “warmest ocean water beaches in fall without a hurricane threat” and the internet gods said Portugal and we were like sounds good.
March to September 2017 was a blur of a horrific nightmare due to work stress, renovations, mom drama, a shitty boss, and more. I was coping through not sleeping and severe workaholism. By the time I could come up for air I knew a 2018 wedding wasn’t going to happen and those closest to me knew that, but it didn’t stop the incessant questions and puzzled looks from random people when I said we hadn’t set a date or made plans. How do you tell a work acquaintance that you are trying to just keep yourself sane and finish out 2017 in one piece.
I set my intention for 2018 as “Balance” which meant no wedding planning because I knew I needed to work on me first. However this year was more about setting an intention, it was living the intention and that takes work and time. With 2018 winding down I’m happier with myself then I think I have ever been from the inside out. My fiance has also been on his own developmental journey. Together we are better now than we’ve ever been. We weathered a few storms and are stronger for it.
Last week was our 4.5 year anniversary and I joked that we are “Forever Fiances.” I was asked several times if he or I were “okay” with that. I still don’t really understand that question.
We don’t want a big flashy wedding, but we do want a wedding and we want to do it right, we just need time, money, and patience. The marriage part is what we’ve already been working on and we don’t need a piece of paper to do so. The party will come and it will be great, but I didn’t expect all the pressure put on engaged couples, particularly brides. Unless you know you will be invited to my wedding or you are willing to pay for it, please don’t ask me about it. When plans are set I’ll be the first one to shout it from the rooftop.
In order to stay the course, you first need to set the course.
What will be the north star to guide you in your day to day life?
What’s your intention for 2019?