The Matriarch

My grandma passed away yesterday at age 90 after quite a few years of failing health. This picture is from my grad school graduation in 2007.

We weren’t particularly close, but she was smart, very educated, belly danced as a hobby (even into her 60s), and taught me to curse in Slovak. But she was a very broken person for reasons she never shared or maybe fully explored, but it manifested itself in many ways. She never said please or thank you, instead she barked orders. She also was one to always remind people that they could lose some weight or had put on a few pounds. She was very critical of how her family did in school and was never satisfied with anything less than an A.

However she was my last surviving grandparent. My dad’s dad died when I was a baby and his mom died in 2001. My mom’s dad died in 1995. She was my mom’s mom and the long reigning family “matriarch.” She was the oldest of 4 sisters and lived longer than all of them. She has 2 daughters and each of her daughters has 2 daughters. However there’s also a long history of emotionally abusive mother daughter relationships which has lead to a very splintered and dysfunctional sorority of sorts.

My fiancé and I are heading up to New York for services which is going to be explosive I’m sure. I’m using this long car ride to prepare mentally. I hope I can get through the weekend relatively unscathed, but I don’t think I’m that lucky. I’m thankful for all the work I’ve done on myself the past 18 months particularly around my mom’s alcoholism and I have the supports to help me process things after this weekend. Thoughts are appreciated.