Tag: MLabout

Daddy 4.25.49 – 11.18.07

Today marks 4 year since I lost my Dad. 

I’m measuring those years within his “dash” in daylights – in sunsets. In midnights – in cups of coffee. In inches – in miles. In laughter – in strife. In LOVE!

We shared a love of many, many things, especially musicals. RENT was one of our favorites and after he died “Seasons of Love” took on a new meaning. 

Back in January 2010 a friend of mine challenged me to measure my year in cups of coffee, which lead to measuring my miles, my body, my health and the rest is history. 

I get a lot of joy and satisfaction in measuring my life. It makes life seem a little more permanent and a little less fleeting at times.

There are times everyday where I wish I had my Dad to call. I wish he could see me now (well I believe he can), but I wish I could see him. I know he’s with me every day, every mile, every thought. 

I can’t help, but wonder just how into my racing he would have been. He was always my number one supporter and cheerleader. I loved making him proud. He would have gotten such a kick out of me running/racing. 

I’m fairly certain he would have come out to California to see me run my Marathon. I actually first went to LA with him, back in grad school. He lived in California for a few years when he was in his 20s. They were some of the best years of his life and I think that’s all part of the reason that drew me to run in Cali (well that and David Cook if I’m being honest).

Here are some of the posts I wrote last year about my Dad around his anniversary if you’re interested.

Our Last Day

Missing You Every Day Daddy

Dad’s Gift to Me

I’ll leave you with this. One quote I remember my Dad telling to me in a time of struggle in my life was, “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” That quote has meant so much to me over the years. YOU only have one life and YOU need to make the most of out of, right now.

I love you Daddy.

WIW – Goals Edition

Last Week: 188.4

This Week: 186.8

Change: -1.6

I know over the past few months I’ve had a bunch of new followers and I thought I’d use this post to touch on my weight loss goals. I should mention that this blog first started it focused on weight loss, but I’m much more focused on health, strength and races these days. 

However my weight is still an important factor. Many of you know in November 2007 my father died a few days after his gastric bypass surgery (which was unnecessary in my opinion based on his height and weight). In Jan 2010 I was ready to make big changes in my life and was determined to never have my weight become a factor in my death.

At 5’9.5 I need to be ~170 to be considered on the high end of the “healthy” BMI range. I chose 168 as a Goal Weight because I like the idea/sound of 160s and 169 would make me giggle too much. 

My Ultimate Goal Weight is 155. It would put me smack dab in the middle of the healthy BMI range with a ~22.

Weight Left to Lose: GW – 18.8/ UGW – 31.8

Total Weight Lost: 35.8

It’s frustrating to see numbers on a scale you know so well. I was in the 180s last year at this time. I got down to 175 at my absolute lowest on this journey. As thrilled as I am to be back on track, it’s hard to get excited about weight I’ve already lost (and should have done a better job keeping off). 

I just need to stay focused, be positive, and keep moving forward!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I have missed you all over the past 12 days I have been on vacation which included:

Driving from AL-MD-NY-CT-NY-NC-GA then flew to DC-then flew back to GA-Then drove to AL last night. 

After all my birthday celebrations over the next few days I promise I shall return to you and return to the gym!

Slump

I haven’t run since my 5K on May 1. 

I have been depressed lately – leading to not running and eating shit. May is also a batshit crazy month at work. I am in the midst of 12-16 hour work days for 2 weeks leading up our first orientation session. I’m at work 7:45am- (7pm, 9pm or last night 11:30pm). I hate these two weeks in May, so I’m happy I escaped to DC before they started.

I had a GREAT trip to DC where I saw my besties and got to enjoy city life. Since then it’s made me really long to be back north and with my friends. When I moved south (Texas 07-08) and now to Alabama in June 08 I knew it was temporary. Getting away from “home” was something I felt I HAD to due, but I always knew I wanted to go back. 

I’ve been trying to get back for over a year. I really enjoyed my time down here, but I had Jan 2011 as a ballpark of when I wanted to be back home. I started applying for jobs back north in Feb 2010. I had a really great interview at a school I loved for a job I would have taken last May and I really thought that was it I was moving back. 

So last May I started to say my mental goodbyes to my job. I thought last year would be the last time I’d go through these 2 crazy weeks at work. Honestly I NEVER in a million years thought I’d still be here. I find myself spending too much time throwing myself a pity party. I know not everything in life works out exactly how you want (and when you want it), but I feel stuck. 

I’m ready for a new job (mainly because I really want new challenges and more responsibilities). Plus I want to be closer to home. I want to be in a city. I’ve wanting these those two things for a really long time. That’s how I made my peace with small town living when I followed “the job.” I need to get out, but it needs to be right. I’m so stressed I’m not going to get out or take a job I don’t really like because I haven’t had other opportunities.

I’m in a vicious circle of being depressed about work, which leads to me eating crap, which makes me not feel like exercising, on top of barely having time to do so, then I feel more depressed because I’m not eating good and haven’t worked out.

It really needs to be June already. I have Saturday off, so I’m hoping to get out and just RUN. I don’t care about distance or speed. I just need to get moving.

Pray for me. Send positive vibes. I need all the help I can get.