MLvulnerability – Page 17

Days like this I really wish I took a "Before Picture.“ I think I was too afraid to see what I looked like and then would have had "proof” that I was that unfit.

Regardless I’m on my path to fitness and I can’t believe the confidence that has come with it.

I actually bought this dress in DECEMBER (I know random) and planned on wearing it with like leggings and a long sleeve shirt underneath. Well I never did. The dress hung in my closet for months, I even packed it to wear on my DC trip, but never wore it. When I packed for this trip I put it in my suitcase because it was red, white and blue. I showed my friend the dress and she told me to try it on. I warned her that it was too short and I wasn’t going to wear it, but I put on the dress for the first time in months and I didn’t hate how I looked in it. The dress was actually a normal length and looked cute. I didn’t feel self-conscious wearing it. I don’t know what got into me, but at one bar I decided to do karaoke. Ummm I’ve only done that once and I was BEYOND drunk. However I only had one beer and thought why the heck not. Was my singing terrible…I’m sure, but I had fun and got lots of claps and high fives after.

All of this really makes me think of the posters in my gym that says:

Change your body. Change your life.

Those words are becoming truer than I ever could have imagined.

Say Cheese

I just got tagged in a bunch of pictures from this weekend on facebook and seriously I don’t even recognize myself in some of them. I haven’t really had pictures taken on me in two months and it’s crazy to see the changes in my body. I felt so confident and pretty all weekend – running the 10k only added to it.

Sadly my eating and DRINKING choices weren’t the best including drinking beer and eating stolen wedding cake (long story) around a camp fire last night post-fireworks. Now it’s back to the eating right for me.

I’ll post stories and pictures tomorrow AND catch up on all of your posts, I felt like just browsing them on my phone wasn’t giving you all the focus you deserve, so I will be spending my morning catching up tomorrow.

End of June Measurements

So last month I took my first set of measurements and here we are one month later, I knew it was going to be a big month and it was.

Chest: 36 (0)
Waist: 36.5 (-1.5)
Hips: 43.5 (-4.5)
Upper Thigh: 27 (-1)
Above Knee: 17 ¾ (-1.25)
Calf: 16.5 (0)
Upper Arm: 13 (-2)
Mid-Upper Arm: 12 (-1)
Neck: 12.5 (-0.5)
Wrist: 6 (-0.25)

That’s a loss of 12.75 inches – I counted my upper thigh twice and upper arm twice, but didn’t include the above knee or mid-upper arm measurement in my total.

Seriously though I woke up one morning and my hips fell off. Really. I looked in the mirror and was like WTF. My bottom half is disappearing…I wish my middle would follow suit and soon!

I needed this, these numbers make me feel great seeing that my scale is the devil. I’m only down about 2.5 pounds for the month, but clearly I’m getting leaner and toner.

Huzzah!

P.S. The 3 miles I did this evening were great, if I have taken my water bottle with me I would have been up for doing a 4th mile. Sometimes it’s just getting your ass out the door….if there’s a will there’s a way.

fasterstronger replied to your post: Center of Attention

Tall Girls Unite! I’m just shy of 6 feet and feel the exact same way! I buy heels all the time, but never ever wear them because, like you said, I feel like a giant linebacker in them. And boys are toooo short!

94monkeys replied to your post

Center of Attention

this is so interesting because I always wished I were taller (I’m 5’4”) and thought if I were, I would carry my weight better. I guess it’s always what you don’t have!

I do feel like I carry my weight well, but sometimes I think that school of thought is a crutch too. For taller gals I think it’s harder to just accept seeing higher numbers than for shorter gals (for the most part) due to our frames.

I think it’s hard that I’ll never be dainty (and not that I want to be, but there are some fashions and other things that I’ll never be able to pull off). I also have an irrational fear that a guy will try to pick me and won’t be able to regardless of how much weight I lose…that thought has always terrified me, I never let people try even if they are big strong dudes.

Overall I honestly think height plays so much into body acceptance and fashion and we all struggled regardless of which end of the spectrum we’re on – darn those 5’6/5’7 girls who have life made 😉

*Editor’s Note: how do you guys copy and paste comments and questions so the blue box is in the body of your post??

Center of Attention

I briefly mentioned it on here before, but my #1 insecurity about myself is not my weight, but it is my height. Weight is something I knew I could always have control over, but there is no way to make myself shorter.

I’m 5’9.5 and suffer from a bit of a Jessie Spano complex (Jessie on Saved by the Bell was set up on a blind date with a guy a he was sitting when she met him, after their date they stand up and she is like 6 inches taller than him, later that night she dreams that she keeps growing taller and taller).

Like I said I RARELY wear heels, I often made excuses that I couldn’t walk in them (not true). Yes, some of my heel concern stems from the fact that most guys are too damn short. Seriously where are all the 6’3 and 6’4 guys??? However, this weekend when I wore heels to further show off my legs (thanks to all my running) in shorts and a skirt, it made me realize that part of the reason I didn’t want to wear heels was because I already felt huge with my weight and being tall didn’t help. I feel like heavier short girls look cuter, while I just look liked a linebacker (I’ve never been short, so I have no idea how you folks feel in relation to taller heavy folks and I’m sure there are varying opinions).

I just think tall people get noticed easier and I guess I was just trying to blend in and not have my body make my stand out (my loud personality is another story/defense mechanism).

As I’m losing weight and getting more secure in my body I don’t think I mind being noticed as much and I can start wearing heels proudly.

Seriously though if you guys knew me in real life and my crazy height complex you would see what a major breakthrough this is.

I’m psuedo mad at myself for eating after 9pm the past two days. I’ve been really good the past few months, but its been hard since I run an orientation program and a college and have 18 hour days, most of which end at 1am.

Love You Daddy

Today is Father’s Day which is bittersweet. I lost my Dad in November 2007.

My father was a thin man most of this young life, but my whole childhood he was always a chubby/fat guy (6’2 300+ pounds). Then in high school he lost 100 pounds with slimfast and exercise. My dad actually could FIT my pants in high school….crazy. He looked great and his life completely changed (my parents also got divorced around then too, but that’s another story).

My dad kept the weight off for 8ish years, but then he retired at 55. He moved to Florida, traveled and ate…a lot. He fell out of his routine and within 3 years he gained all the weight back and then some.

My dad was not happy with himself and he didn’t think he could lose it again the right way, so he decided to get a lap band. I wasn’t thrilled, but no one could change his mind. He was set on the lap band when his doctor told him it wasn’t permanent enough and that if he wanted to keep the weight off he really needed gastric bypass which is a more invasive surgery. I remember he told me he was getting the gastric bypass only a few days before his schedule surgery. I had a bad feeling about it, it scared me, but his mind was made up.

To make a long story short he died at the hospital 3 days after his surgery.

I still have lots of emotions and thoughts about his death, but mainly it was so UNNECESSARY. Obesity has plagued so much of my family and refuse to let my weight control or end my life. Like I’ve said before I started this change in January and it’s a lifestyle change. I just want to say that I believe in each of you and as hard as it gets stay strong, because your life is worth it!

Fail

I’m working orientation this week and I ate a whole piece of pie that we had at dinner – usually I just take a bit of someone else’s, but I thought I could only eat half. I knew it was a bad idea as I was doing it, but didn’t care. Now I feel gross.

Clothes

Today I’m wearing a dress I bought in July and wore on my birthday last August. The dress was a 12 (when I normally wore a 16), but it was stretchy material so it fit and I wore it.

Well let’s get back to the word fit. Just because one can physically wear it, does not mean one should. I was initially frustrated that I’ve dropped nearly 25 pounds and most of my clothes still fit. See that’s where I was wrong. I didn’t FIT into a lot of my old clothes, I wore them, but it seems my body was fighting against the clothes. Well now these same cloths actually do fit or are even a little too big at times. I honestly would rather have clothes baggy than need to squeeze into them.

So getting back to the dress, I must say I fill it out quite differently – I don’t think I’m a 12 yet, but again due to the stretchy material it is far from a crime to be wearing it. I hope to take some pictures in it so I can post my very first “before” and “in progress.”

Frustrated

I’m still not sure if reading other fitblrs is inspiring or depressing. I have been eating better and working out more than I ever have and my weight is SLOOOOOOWLY coming off. I’ve been at it since January and am only down 22 pounds.

I see many of you who started weeks or months after me and have shed more than me.

I don’t know if its harder for me because I’ve always been active and now I’m just pushing it to the next level.

I don’t know why my body is straight up REFUSING to drop below 200 pounds. I’ve been teetering around it for 3 freaking weeks.

Sometimes it’s hard to be happy when all of you are reaching your goals faster than me, but mark my words fast or slow I’m gonna reach mine too!