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For most of my life I’ve been a private person, fiercely so (most of my friend and family don’t even know this blog exists, it’s been my own sanctuary space). The primary reason being a classic defense mechanism to prevent being vulnerable. Lately, I’ve been shifting toward other healthier coping mechanisms that aren’t as isolating.

A private aspect of my life that I’ve only very recently begun talking about outside my closest circles is one worth sharing today, my Dad’s Birthday.

About 5 years after my parents separated my Dad slowly and quietly came out of the closet as a gay man. It wasn’t until about 3 years before his death that both him and I were able to begin comfortably talking about his identity and his partner. I supported my Dad and loved him fully, but also struggled at times.

I remember being 22 and wishing I could read about or talk with other adult children of gay parents or parents who came out later in life, I felt so alone. Fortunately times have changed so much over these past 10+ years. However, I never really got to fully embrace this aspect of my identity because when I was 24 my Dad died unexpectedly. All of a sudden I was a daughter without a father as opposed to the daughter of a gay father. Yet, both of these identities are important to me and have shaped me beyond measure.

I’m so very proud to be my father’s daughter. I thank him especially for giving me his sense of humor, ingenuity, and love of musicals. To know me is to know him and on his birthday I wanted to honor and share a part of us. Happy Birthday Daddy, I miss you every single day ❤️ 4.25.49-11.18.07

Tried this Le Tote shirt on again last night and it is just more of a fitted style, so I decided to wear to work today and was happy with it! I think it’s just me equating clothes that were tight on me when I was heavier with feeling tight as opposed to fitted. The mental side of weight loss is the real tricky part!

Yesterday I got my first Le Tote box.

The only stinker was the dark blue top, a little too tight. I liked the striped shirt tucked in as styled in the pic better (I never tuck in shirts). I like the pants, but as much as I’ve always gravitated to loose, I really want to challenge myself to try more slim/skinny pants. The dress is cute, but a touch short #longlegproblems!

I plan to wear the three pieces that fit at least once before returning the box for another and try and pick some more fitted pants.

If you want a free box use my code: You can click the link above, but the address is: https://letote.com/freetote/JENNIFER17046

I picked up a call ahead Dunkin’ Donuts order for students near campus on my way in and meant to order myself an iced coffee while I was in there. I completely forgot until I got to campus and dropped things off, which was super upsetting because I haven’t had DD in weeks. Well I couldn’t find a parking spot so I thought that was a sign to go back and get the coffee I was dreaming about especially since I only have gotten six hours of sleep over the last two days!

I had to wear khaki pants for a work event today. Khakis are something I’ve ALWAYS felt self conscious about wearing. Like no thanks I don’t want to wear flesh colored pants that emphasize my butt, thighs, and hips.

I currently only have one pair – that I’ve worn once maybe, but I pulled them out to wear today – without trying them on. This morning I thought “OMG I haven’t worn these in forever what if they don’t fit or are too tight” (tight khaki pants make me feel THE MOST uncomfortable). Thankfully not only did they fit, but they were a bit baggy.

Not feeling self conscious today was a major NSV for me!

Talk about a Transformation Tuesday.

I made this collage for a new Weight Watchers facebook group I’m in and thought I’d share it here too.

I started my journey (and tumblr) in Jan 2010 and lost close to 50 pounds by early 2012. In Mar 2012 I ran the Los Angeles Marathon right before moving from AL to DC. 

My new work and life transition halted my progress and I had some gains, but in 2014 I recommitted and did my first two spirit triathlons and got down to about 10 pounds from my lowest weight. However, of course, I began a relationship in summer 2014 (that led to an engagement in 2017, wedding likely in 2019) which stalled my efforts again. A new job and buying a house in summer 2016 coupled together put weight back on. I joined WW in Feb 2017 and had some good results, until some external stresses derailed me, however as of the New Year I’ve been focused. 

The pics in the left are from late 2009 and the pics on the right are from early 2012. The one in the middle is me last month. I’m currently 8 pounds from my lowest weight and 2 pounds from a new “decade” on the scale.