Ok this is a random chain of thought, but bare with me. The night I met the professor I also met another english professor (a female) who is training for a full marathon. I look at her and see this skinny, sporty blonde girl. We exchange twitter info and follow one another. I quickly come to find out via her tweets, daily mile, personal blog (not tumblr) that she lost over 100 pounds in the past 2 years. WHAT?!?! That blew my mind, she just seemed like a skinny-sporty girl who was always that way. She’s been blogging about all her biking and running etc. Meanwhile I haven’t told her about my tumblr (mainly because I’ve posted about the prof and again the fear of sharing this with people who know me). Anyway I read this post she wrote today and it was so interesting for me to see her through her own “formerly fat” eyes. (I actually love the phrase formerly fat, I have a friend Craig from college that always refered to himself as that and it makes me laugh/smile – esp because he was SO PROUD to be FORMERLY and I will too one day)
Today I went to a health screening appointment at work — they’re allowing people to receive a discount on health insurance if we opt into this program where they measure certain health factors and offer consultations for people whose numbers put them at risk for various potential problems. I filled out a questionnaire, had my blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood glucose tested, and then had them measure my body composition. The whole appointment took fifteen minutes.
The program at work is completely voluntary, and I feel quite sure that had this happened two years ago I wouldn’t have opted in. When I was obese, I never experienced health problems as a result of my weight, but the very idea of having this data measured would have sent me into fits of anxiety. Body Mass Index. Body Fat Percentage. Cholesterol. And, worst of all, I would have fixated on whether my blood glucose levels would show me at risk for diabeetus. (The only way I could think of that without cringing was to think of Wilford Brimley.)
Going to the doctor was always mildly terrifying during those years, although — to my relief — not one of my doctors ever advised me to lose weight. I guess they figured that at one hundred pounds overweight, I surely had to know things weren’t good. I was just happy not to have to talk about it.
Today, though, I walked into that office without even thinking twice about it. The reduction in my monthly health insurance cost was one motivating factor, sure, but most of all, I was actually kind of excited to get a look at my numbers. Eager, even. Such a strange feeling. Here’s what I learned:
Total Cholesterol: 164
HDL (”good” cholesterol): 51
Non-HDL (”bad” cholesterol): 114
Glucose: 90
They were looking for my total cholesterol to be below 200 with my HDL to be 50 or higher — score on both! For glucose, they wanted it to be under 200. These numbers all looked good.
My body composition was measured using a fancy Tanita machine — the kind that you step on barefoot and it magically figures out your numbers by mildly electrocuting you. Bonus fun times! From what I understand, this thing may be less accurate than an underwater test, but more accurate than the average at-home scale that claims to measure the same data. Here are my stats:
Weight: 139.4 lbs
Height: 5′9″
BMI: 20.6
Fat Percentage: 17.1 %
Fat Mass: 23.8 lbs
Total Body Water: 84.6 lbs
The doctor told me these numbers were all good as well, except he said that the suggested healthy body fat percentage for me was between 21-33%, a few percentage points higher than my result. For an athletic person, though, my lower number is fine. I found it kind of fascinating to have it all broken down for me, especially the sort of amazing fact that almost 85 pounds of me is water. Isn’t that weird to think about? I think so.
I can just imagine having these same tests done two years ago: how embarrassed I would have been, how the doctor would have tried to be kind in telling me that my BMI of well over 30 put me in the obese category, how he probably would have tried to tell me the obvious: that small changes and being more active would help me lose weight. How my face would have slowly deepened to approximately the shade of a ripe tomato and my voice would have gotten all tight and quavery.
The thing is, I never would have volunteered to do this two years ago, when I needed it most. The shame I felt at being overweight would have made me incapable of going. Of course, back then I knew I needed to lose weight and get healthy. I just can’t help but wonder if I would have lost the weight sooner — or if I would have stopped gaining before it got so bad — if I’d had the opportunity to see the numbers and to learn what was going on inside my body.
Well, looky there. This 15-minute doctor’s appointment got me feeling all ramblingly thoughtful. But don’t you think this is a widespread situation? I don’t think I’m the only person who let that shame stop me from trying to talk to a doctor about my weight. I know it’s pretty common to live in denial of our health problems, especially if they’re connected to something socially stigmatized like obesity. I wonder if there’s a way for workplaces and healthcare providers to encourage people like me-of-the-past to come in? What are your thoughts?
