Tag: MLvulnerability

Training you is not you

I’ve seen some pity parties on here lately of people who have gained weight or aren’t as fit as they were when they were training for something. I’m in your boat too – in fact last night I was lamenting over pictures of me right after I ran 2 half marathons in a month (Nov ‘10) and pictures of me when I was in LA before the marathon (March ’12). 

That girl in those pictures is a flash in the pan. Training Jenn is not me. It’s not even active or healthy Jenn. It is only immediately pre-race or post-race Jenn. 

Lord knows I love running, but all the MONTHS of hard work running are way more fleeting than months of weight training and/or muscle building. 

I will NEVER forget what my body looked like the day I ran the LA marathon. As I was body gliding up that morning I didn’t recognize myself. I saw that body for about 5 days total. 

Please try and find a balance between expectations and reality. We are fit, healthy, active people. There will be days where we will look better naked and days that we want to hide under 100 sweatshirts. 

Work for your body, fitness and health every damn day, but know that your body is such a fluctuating variable and it’s okay. 

Long Beach boardwalk post Sandy…gone.

I’ve spent so many miles there. My last “get loose” run before my first half marathon, my first run longer than 13.1 miles run (when if you recall I tripped at mile 12.5 and face planted because my shoe caught a nail) which also happened to be my last run of 2011. Most recently I ran a few miles on the boardwalk on my birthday in August to celebrate.

It literally blows my mind and breaks my heart to see this picture which was sent to me by a friend whose friend is emergency personnel for the county.

Weirdly Okay

My ex-boyfriend, Wiley, got engaged yesterday. I had a weird feeling recently that it was coming. Thankfully I didn’t have facebook tell me directly. I think seeing it without warning like that would have jolted me a bit. My friend Sara texted me to tell me (she saw it on facebook). She didn’t want to the bearer of the news, but she also wanted me to know. I SO appreciate that she did. Not wanting my other best friends to worry about having to telling me I sent a few text messages to them. I got a number of really great messages that reminded me what I already knew.

I am weirdly okay. I didn’t want the life that being with him would have given me. The fact that what I thought was a 22 year old rebound turned into something serious is the part the annoys me, but that’s really it. I chose to chase my dreams and create the life I want.

I’ll share this quote from Eat, Pray, Love that my same dear friend Sara sent me one day a little while ago when I was feeling emotional about Wiley. 

I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.” He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.“But I love him.”“So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

being too busy to run because you’re enjoying life is a good problem to have

my roommate

TRUTH.

However I miss you all. and I miss being less chunky. and less slow. 

I did go to sunset yoga on a pier by the National Harbor last night with my gentlemen friend

An Open Letter to Running…

Dear Running,

I love you, you know I do, but this last year and a half has left me feeling unfulfilled. I spent Sept-March in constant half-marathon followed by marathon training. But where did it leave me, with 2 medals and no obvious physical changes. Yes, I had longer endurance and sometimes better speed – but really it was just a tolerance I built up. If you put your hand in a bucket of ice for a few minutes the ice doesn’t get warmer you just adapt to tolerate it better. 

I don’t want to just ADAPT my body to be a long-distance runner. I want to TRANSFORM myself into an all around athlete. I want to be strong and have muscle tone. 

I have 3 months of marathon training before I take a break from distance. I may continue to work on speed and see how much I can take off my 5K time, but when it comes to how many hours a week I spend exercising the ratio needs to change. 

I don’t regret registering for the Marine Corps Marathon, but I know all those miles I need to log to be ready aren’t enough for me anymore. It’s not you, it’s me.  I want to weight train and cross train. 

I have a new mistress, I went to a group personal training class lead by Trainer Dan yesterday and it was great. It was 7 stations for 7 minutes each in partners. As a new person to the class Trainer Dan was very attentive to me and making sure I had good form, but once I got it he didn’t need to babysit me.

The group classes are ½ the price of a personal training session and I’m THISCLOSE to officially signing up. Trainer Dan said I could come tomorrow also to do a different station variety. I really liked working in pairs and also seeing where some of my strengths or where others are better. The lady I was paired with was in good shape, but wasn’t as strong so I felt badass using 18lb kettle bells while she used 12lb, but then she’d kick my ass in a different activity like lunges. It brought out a good competitive side in me.

I hope we can still be friends (with benefits)

Love,

Jenn

Every Summer

runwithrach:

I wonder how I became so slow…how I lost all I had built…why I’m struggling to run, to breathe, to keep moving…is it worth the struggle?

Then, when the fall arrives, and the air is cool and crisp, I get my answers.

I no longer struggle. My running ability was not lost, it was strengthened through struggle and strife. I’m faster. I’m stronger. I’m fierce.

And that’s what pulls me through these terrible months of training.

6 incredibly hot, humid, sunny miles 1:07:14.

I so can relate to this. My ego gets bruised in this weather. I ran a freaking marathon in March and now 3 months later I STRUGGLE through 5 miles. However I am keeping my eye on the prize and I know come late October it will all be worth it.