Tag: MLrecovery

Counseling

Through my job’s Employee Assistance Program I’m able to have 6 free sessions with a counselor. I just had my 3rd session this morning. I actually took it upon myself in late June to inquire about setting up an appointment and around that time when getting coffee with a trusted colleague (and having a complete breakdown) he also suggested I meet with her. I’m glad I have. 

I haven’t gone to much counseling the last 10 years or so. I saw 1 or 2 therapists in high school around the time my parents separated and my Dad moved out. I also saw a school counselor in high school when I was going through some friend drama and after a car accident I was in as a new driver.  

In college, I didn’t see anyone and really didn’t feel like I needed to. In grad school I had a faculty member who was a “confidant” of sorts and given her sociology background I would argue she was a pseudo-counselor. We mostly talked about me grappling with the fact that my Dad quietly came out of the closet as a gay man (have I ever shared that here before? I’m not sure – it’s still something I struggle to talk about since he died before I could fully embrace and understand) and how he was not out to my Mom and many other people back in NY (at this time he was living in Florida). 

6 months after grad school my Dad unexpectedly died of complications of gastric bypass surgery. I had just started a new job in Texas only 2.5 hours from my Dad who was also now in Texas. So I went back to counseling for about 6 months before I moved to Alabama, that was 2008.

I’ve had loving and wonderful friendships and found community here, but since 2008 I haven’t sought professional help. This summer was a wake up call for self-care and not letting negative patterns repeat themselves. So my plan is to meet monthly with the work counselor for the remainder of the year and then I’ll likely find a counselor to see outside of this short-term work benefit. I am also planning to continue my ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings every other week. These meetings conflict with my FAVORITE Body Pump class and going to this class will also bring me joy, so the plan is to rotate between the two every week.

My lesson from today’s counseling session is: I’m ENOUGH

This is what a month of self care looks like for me. After being forced into “survival mode” at work for many months, I began to notice a pattern in myself and my emotions. This is still a newly realized identity, but one that has shaped me more than I ever realized. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it’s nice be part of a supportive community with shared experiences. ACA borrows many traditions from AA, so today I was awarded my 1 month coin along with someone who earned their 4 year coin. #atimetoheal

More on Well Being and Happiness

Here are the rest of the notes from the workshop I went to on Well- Being this week that was offered through the Center for Consciousness and Transformation at my University (employer) 

Happiness is a choice

  • 50% is genetic
  • 40% is something you can control
  • 10% is circumstances 

Happiness strategies 

  1. express gratitude
  2. look on the bright side/cultivate optimum 
  3. don’t care yourself to others
  4. practice acts of kindness 
  5. nurture social relationships 
  6. write out pain/upset
  7. learn to forgive or let go 
  8. increase flow experience /lose track of time 
  9. savor joys of life, put time aside for it
  10. commit to goals 
  11. practice religion/spirituality 
  12. exercise, meditate, act happy (fake it til you make it)

Other thoughts and notes: 

  • Flow: focus and habits
  • Correlation between age and satisfaction – comfortable in own skin, dealing with set back
  • Overall we are too focused on negativity/weaknesses – keep a gratitude journal
  • Gratitude matters – feel happier, more determined, more energetic, more optimistic, and more likely to offer support to others. you sleep better, exercise more, and experience fewer symptoms of physical illness 
  • 9 out of 10 people say they are more productive when they are around positive people 

Lose Your Guilt

This past Sunday was the final week of the “Biggest Loser” series at the church I’ve been going to. It’s cool that the 4 weeks I’ve been were the 4 weeks of the series. 

As usual – I can relate this sermon to all aspects of my life, including my daily journey to health and fitness. 

The pastor started with a video clip from the movie “The Potential Inside” it is about cycling and racing. It definitely was a cheesy-Christian type movie, yet it intrigued me  enough to track it down on Netflix to add to my queue. Two memorable quotes from the video clip:

  • “I’m not going to kill myself for a medal”
  • On coaching and teammate: “There is so much to learn and unlearn from eachother”

The pastor referred to guilt as the twinge of knowing you crossed the line. However we shouldn’t internalize it forever, don’t let it suck you in. Guilt can eat you alive if you don’t release yourself from a sense of inferiority. He suggested to come face to face with what you feel guilty about. "DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF, WRITE IT OR SAY IT OUT LOUD" (Hence why I keep a food and fitness log and even this tumblr).  

Accept that you did what’s done and either own up to it or seek forgiveness. You should take time to think about, “what did you learn about yourself and to not make the same mistake again.” However he acknowledged that, “It’s human to make mistakes. ADMIT THAT YOU MAKE THEM. Seek forgiveness, learn from it and MOVE ON." 

He pastor mostly linked guilt to "confessing” – which is the key to healing

  • “Need to be released from the guilt that weighs us down”
  • “Don’t let guilt suck the life out of you”

Other quotes

  • “Broken things can be beautiful things”
  • “We don’t have good perspective when it comes to ourselves
  • "Do your best everyday with what you’ve got" 
  • and my personal favorite "LET GO”

Lose Your Pain

Yet again I have more to post about from this past Sunday’s sermon, enough though it’s more like a story from a very engaging pastor. 

This week’s topic from his “Biggest Loser” series was: Lose Your Pain – which he really meant as Persevering 

He talked about weight loss and his own personal battles. He said in weight watchers they said people are programmed to be hungry, it’s a part of life, but you need to endure the pain and discomfort of being hungry to reach your goal of weight loss.

He also then talked about long distance runners. He talked about how the only way the reward and accomplishment of running a marathon is to learn to deal with the pain that comes with miles and miles of training and disciplined diet.  He also said he watched “Run Fat Boy Run” recently which I immediately added to my Queue.

He talked about how pain is a bond – shared human emotion. We may never truly KNOW the pain someone else has, but we know our own pain and can connect.

He also showed the Kenny Chesney music video – “There goes your life” to illustrate different types of pain.

Notable quotes

  • “Pain in a reminder we’re alive”
  • “Pain in an indicator of change”
  • “Growing pains mean moving forward.”
  • “We emerge on the other side of pain different people, better people." 
  • "Sometimes pain is a gift. It reminds you that you’re alive and allows you to trust God and learn who you are.”

The service closed with the Goo Goo Dolls song – “Let Love in” These lyrics spoke to me: “The end of fear is where we being, the moment we decide to let love in.”

Get free from fear – don’t let fear hold you back or motivate you. Love yourself and love God. There is no room in love for fear. Love pushes fear out.

I don’t mean to get all “churchy” again, but the pastor’s message this week spoke to me as a person and also to my health and wellness.

I need to just LOVE myself and my life and not let irrational fears have ANY role in my life. I thought the pastor’s point about also not using fear as a motivator was a great one.

I shouldn’t eat healthy or work out because I fear being fat, I should eat healthy and work out because I love myself enough to do what’s best for it.

What a simple, yet powerful way to reframe things.

Lose the doubt that becomes a wall. Use it as a doorway to push against and discover who you are and what you believe

The Pastor at the service I attended last weekend. I am hoping to get back into church after a hiatus since I moved. I do best when my mind, body and soul are all being cared for. This really spoke to me on all 3 levels

HORRIFYING – I saw a commerical for this today.

Here’s an article I found:

Denny’s dastardly minds have done it again. The restaurant chain that fries mozzarella sticks between pieces of bread, have rolled out more gluttonously cheesy menu items.  

The most notable is the Mac n’ Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt: A burger patty layered with slices of cheese, macaroni and cheese, another layer of cheese, some kind of tomato-based “frisco” sauce and two pieces of buttered-up potato bread. Still hungry? It comes with a side of fries. 

The 1,690 calorie count makes a lot more sense when you consider the sandwich is breakfast, lunch and dinner stacked on top of each other. It makes absolutely zero sense when you consider that it’s got 500 more calories than a Carl’s Jr. burger with fries, and large coke. It’s about three times the calories of a KFC Double Down sandwich. And about 200 calories more than five (count ‘em, five) Boston Market Mac and Cheese sides. 

That’s without the super-size cheese option. Seriously, if your melt isn’t ooze-y enough, you can pay Denny’s 69 cents extra for more cheese. A better use of that 69 cents: pay the guy in the next booth to be your sober cheese counselor.

Denny’s joined Burger King and more than a dozen chains on a health initiative recently, offering more veggie and fruit options for kids. Adults? They can go to you know where…by way of the cheese menu. Direct quote from the company’s press release: “With America consuming around 8.8 billion pounds of cheese annually, Denny’s is answering to the appetites of the nation by introducing a dedicated menu that celebrates all things cheesy.“ Other items on their new cheese menu include a strawberry cheesecake milkshake and a cheese-filled omelette drizzled in cheese sauce.

But nothing outdoes the cheese pasta/cheeseburger/buttered toast combo, both in calories and in creativity. Be honest, on the gross food scale, does the Mac and Cheese melt look deliciously gross, curiously gross, or just plain gross?