Tonight I received my 1 year chip at my ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting. I found this group at my rock bottom and I’ve found a community that I am forever thankful for. It’s critical for my recovery to attend these meetings regularly. I’ve found a lot of peace and I’m excited to continue to work the 12 steps.
#recovery #selfcare #workaholic #acoa #aca #adultchildrenofalcoholics #vulnerability #community
At the pool reading @brenebrown’s Rising Strong (which I started last summer and picked it back up just today) and she references this quote which spoke to me. Some really valuable insights and I’m really in the right headspace to be reading this book now.
#shame #boundaries #recovery #selfcare #alignment #purpose
I had a breakthrough this week that took me by surprise.
For context my mother is a mentally unstable alcoholic and has been especially difficult for the last 21 years after my parents split. My Dad died unexpectedly in November 2007, which was 5 months into my professional career.
#selfcare #recovery #workaholic #deaddadsclub #alignment
Growing up with an alcoholic mother in a dysfunctional household I took on the role of “hero child.” This is a role my inner child has continued to carry with me. In the last 5 years due to neglectful/disinterested bosses and authority figures my inner child manifested as a workaholic.
Things hit an all time low last summer due to insurmountable work stress and lack of staff/structure/support. It took hitting rock bottom to seek out the therapy and support in #ACA that I needed to begin this recovery journey. As I approach my peak season at work this year I hope I can maintain the boundaries I’ve set and maintain my emotional sobriety.
#adultchildrenofalcoholics #selfcare #aca #acoa #recoveryjourney
Friend: How is life? Haven’t talked in awhile
Me: I’m pretty great. Work is really busy, but going very well. T and I are better than we’ve been in a while. Social life, fitness, and finances are all on point. I will gladly relish in this high for the moment.
Friend: That’s so good!!!! You def deserve some good/chill times. I feel like the last half of last year and early this year weren’t your most fun.
Me: My life is always feast or famine. Mar-Sept ‘17 were really rough, I’m glad it’s behind me.
Me: This week in April was also particularly traumatizing in 2013. I feel like at least lows of last year I addressed/dealt with so I don’t have the same level of PTSD as I do with my 2013 rough patch.
Friend: Which was 2013? Ya learning to deal is one of my top life lessons in the past couple years.
Me: When my supervisee had her baby 2 weeks early and a week later my boss announced she was leaving just as I reached the one year mark on the job, all while facing turning 30 that Aug.
Friend: Ooh yes and then you [REDACTED]. Healthy times
Me: Most of my stress and trauma as adult is from work, but that’s because I use work as a poor coping mechanism for my mom’s alcoholism :::A-HA:::
I’m feeling very self aware at the moment and being able to verbalize it to others helps. Although this friend knows all too well about my lows, but still being able to say most of the “bad stuff” in my life is work related and I’m learning how trival work is at the end of the day. It’s a job, as an educator and administrator its an important job, but it’s still just a job. I can’t let a job own me.
So I realized I don’t think I mentioned here that ~2 weeks ago my boss told me he is leaving for a new opportunity elsewhere. It took all my self-control to not be like GOOD RIDDANCE. That’s half true, he is a very nice man, but he never made any real effort to understand or support my work. He didn’t intentionally harm me, but there were so many opportunities where he could have offered help or suggestions when I was a 1 person office and he never did. Clearly he’s been “done” for some time and that shows up in his lack of interest in investing in me or my work.
With that being said the whole University and my division are going through strategic planning processes. I am no stranger to these and have been a part of them at previous institutions. I know this is a time to give ideas and be heard. With this has also been re-org talk which in the case of my work makes SO MUCH SENSE. I’ve been thinking about where in the org chart I am, and where my team belongs.
Late last week I heard an interim person was going to be tapped when my boss leaves which is normal (spoiler alert it’s not me, nor would I expect/want it). However yesterday I’m in a meeting and my VP (aka my boss’s boss calls me). I was near her office so when I got out of my meeting I popped by and we were able to chat. She told me about who she named as interim and how they are going to lead that team, however, she said that she’d like ME to report to her in the interim because: 1. I don’t make sense on the team I’m on and 2. she wants to get a deeper understanding of my work and the needs of my area to be best supported.
DUDE! I feel great. She NOTICES ME and VALUES ME! I am excited to see how I can leverage this opportunity and see where it takes me!
Tonight at my ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting I am getting my 6-month chip. With the except of a tense half day at my mom’s on Christmas I’ve been pretty good at keeping her toxic effect on my life at bay.
I can’t fix her or heal her or control her. I can only live my life. It’s sad that she can’t be more a part of it, but it’s the choices she’s made that have made it such.
Self-care is SO complex, but I’m thankful that I’m regaining a healthy balance in my life.
Also reading this blog has been a gift and the author’s words are one that I treasure as she battles a similar battle: http://grumpysunshine.com/
This is already a hard time of year and having your alcoholic mother leaving you mentally and emotionally abusive voicemails while drunk is not helping… This is the version of the Serenity Prayer we say at my ACA meetings and I’ve found a lot of comfort in it.
Speaking of purple things, yesterday I earned my 3 month chip at ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I found this group at just the right time and I have already learned so much through this community. I’m thankful to better understand this identity… (for the record I do choose to drink socially despite my mother’s addiction).
So as I’ve mentioned here this summer I came to terms with my identity of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACA). I started learning more about this identity last January after a particularly traumatizing Christmas at my mom’s.
It’s unbelievable how much my mother’s addiction has shaped me. The more I read and talk with my counselor and ACA group the more I learn about myself, how to cope, and how to choose myself despite being manipulated by an addict. I was taught that anything my mom didn’t essentially like/approve of/suit her was “bad.” And more than anything I have this overwhelming desire to be a “good girl.”
I get guilted for not living in New York or jumping at her every need. She’s 66 (today actually is her birthday which led to a stressful call) and physically healthy. Heck she’s intelligent and funny too. Nothing I do/could do (even again my better sense) is going to help her. She needs to change for herself PERIOD.
This summer I came across this blog and holy hell it’s like I WROTE it. The weirdest part is that she starting writing the day I went to my first ACA meeting. There’s some amazing honestly, sadness, but also humor here too. If you love someone struggling with addiction or just a fan of good writing check it out