FLOORED

5.5 weeks ago Wiley and I broke up. We’ve slowly talked as friends briefly the past 3 weeks. I texted him just now to see when we can catch up about NOLA and his brother’s wedding. He calls me to tell me met someone else and then minutes later it went facebook official. 

I am shocked beyond words. About to pound miles at the gym.

*CORRECTION: We last saw each other 5.5 weeks ago, we we didn’t break up until Oct 3. So that’s one month. ONE MONTH. And we’ve only been irregularly talking as friends for 2 weeks. Apparently, further heartbreak has affected my brain.

Just Keep Swimming

Thanks for everyone’s kind words on my breakup post. I sorta slept last night, but my eyes are still super heavy today. Luckily work’s been busy and kept my mind off things. However I can’t wait to leave work today and run. Probably run while crying (it’s a new favorite pasttime). I just need to keep moving forward. I’m out of relationship limbo, now I need to get my act together. 

My to do list: Pounding out miles and pounding out resumes. 

Slump

I haven’t run since my 5K on May 1. 

I have been depressed lately – leading to not running and eating shit. May is also a batshit crazy month at work. I am in the midst of 12-16 hour work days for 2 weeks leading up our first orientation session. I’m at work 7:45am- (7pm, 9pm or last night 11:30pm). I hate these two weeks in May, so I’m happy I escaped to DC before they started.

I had a GREAT trip to DC where I saw my besties and got to enjoy city life. Since then it’s made me really long to be back north and with my friends. When I moved south (Texas 07-08) and now to Alabama in June 08 I knew it was temporary. Getting away from “home” was something I felt I HAD to due, but I always knew I wanted to go back. 

I’ve been trying to get back for over a year. I really enjoyed my time down here, but I had Jan 2011 as a ballpark of when I wanted to be back home. I started applying for jobs back north in Feb 2010. I had a really great interview at a school I loved for a job I would have taken last May and I really thought that was it I was moving back. 

So last May I started to say my mental goodbyes to my job. I thought last year would be the last time I’d go through these 2 crazy weeks at work. Honestly I NEVER in a million years thought I’d still be here. I find myself spending too much time throwing myself a pity party. I know not everything in life works out exactly how you want (and when you want it), but I feel stuck. 

I’m ready for a new job (mainly because I really want new challenges and more responsibilities). Plus I want to be closer to home. I want to be in a city. I’ve wanting these those two things for a really long time. That’s how I made my peace with small town living when I followed “the job.” I need to get out, but it needs to be right. I’m so stressed I’m not going to get out or take a job I don’t really like because I haven’t had other opportunities.

I’m in a vicious circle of being depressed about work, which leads to me eating crap, which makes me not feel like exercising, on top of barely having time to do so, then I feel more depressed because I’m not eating good and haven’t worked out.

It really needs to be June already. I have Saturday off, so I’m hoping to get out and just RUN. I don’t care about distance or speed. I just need to get moving.

Pray for me. Send positive vibes. I need all the help I can get. 

Having a Fat Day

We had a “feast” as my boss’s house yesterday in addition to the fact that I’ve run 1x in 5 days. However I WILL be running the rest of the week. The scale saw a gain and just feel icky today. 

I need to stop being lax. Robin posted a picture of her LaraBar next to a cookie tray and even though her friends said she could have just one, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop at one. I’m the same way and I need to tighten up.

Summer is coming and I’m thinking of getting some sort of two piece :O

Introspective

Since my dash has been rather quiet (I blame spring break – are that many of you college students? I may poll this when you all get back. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE college students – I’ve made a career out of working at a college with you, but it’s weird I’d never in a million years go into graphic detail about my fitness and body with them like I do with you all).

Anyway I was reading through my archive and came across these gems:

·   I have yet to hit my 10 miles a week yet…I also need to hit more 4 day work out weeks, as opposed to 3 day work out weeks – even thought 3 days is better than 0 days. However my spare tire of a stomach isn’t gonna just fall off by itself. (February 9, 2010)

·   Even my jeans are getting big and I’m not a belt wearer, but I may have to be. It’s exciting to start to say goodbye to “fat pants” and hello to “less fat pants.” (March 19, 2010)

·   I just tweeted that “I’m gonna make the track my bitch this afternoon.” I talk a big game, but I think I’ll still end up getting bitch slapped by the track today. (April 16, 2010)

I did find this from one of my first entries to be interesting:

·         Let’s just say I’m about 10 pounds heavier than I normally am or 25 pounds heavier than when I last felt “good about myself” or 50 pounds from what I’d consider my perfect weight (which would make me a size 10 pants or M shirt, but I’m more than okay with that. I’m 5’9 and have a decent frame so I have no plans to ever be a single digit in pants). (January 11, 2010)

I’m nearly down 50 pounds from when I wrote this. I feel great, I don’t feel perfect, but I feel great. I’m proud to be the weight I am at, but I honestly think I was too afraid to admit that at that time I really needed to lost 65-70 pounds. When it’s all said and done (weight loss wise, not work wise because the work never stops) it will be crazy to think I HAD 65-70 pounds to lose, but I did. I have ~25 to go. I’m not shy to admit it anymore. And I also do believe that I am totally capable of wearing single digit pants – my frame isn’t as big as I thought – it was the fat on it that was the problem.

My original weight loss blog was on blogger just for me and in May 2010 I joined the FITBLR community. This community has become a second home, but at first it was a bitter pill to swallow at times:

·         I’m still not sure if reading other fitblrs is inspiring or depressing. I have been eating better and working out more than I ever have and my weight is SLOOOOOOWLY coming off. I’ve been at it since January and am only down 22 pounds. I see many of you who started weeks or months after me and have shed more than me….Sometimes it’s hard to be happy when all of you are reaching your goals faster than me, but mark my words fast or slow I’m gonna reach mine too! (May, 20, 2010)

Sad Dashboard Today

This morning I did my regular catch up on what I missed on my dashboard since yesterday evening and I saw quite a few “Giving Up” or “Blog Woes” posts. It really made me feel disheartened. I’ve always been one to share overshare my life on the internet. First it was AOL then AIM then Facebook then Blogger then Twitter then Tumblr. I’ve always shared for ME. I have this weird desire to have written documentation of my life. Don’t get me wrong I totally enjoy knowing other people read my ramblings and even more joy over the people that like what I have to say or I make them laugh.

My heart really goes out to those of you that feel some sort of “pressure” on here. I guess I can’t relate. I have a good number of followers but I never rarely get questions or comments in my ask box. If any I get longer follow up on a comment from one of my “regulars.” (Yes you know you are, in my head at least I am like a waitress at your favorite restaurant and you are one of my regular customers that requests to sit in my section).

As much as I’d hate to see some of you leave our community – I’m most concerned with you being healthy all around and being the best version you can be – FLAWS AND ALL. Would I be sad to see someone like E leave us forever? Yes, but if that’s what she needs to do then I support her 100%. And maybe these “famous” fitblrs retire their tumblr and start a new one on the D/L where they can be anon and write what the what without pressure.

For me actually READING keeps me more accountable because it keeps me KNOWLEDGEABLE. I like reading about new workouts or recipes etc. I post mostly for records of what I’ve done or to write about what’s going on in my life. But HONESTLY if I never got another LIKE or comment again I’d still be doing what I’m doing because it’s for me and my health. As weird as it is my body is my temple and it’s a gift. I can’t give up on taking care of it.

I really don’t know how to wrap up this post, but since it’s my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want I’m going to post the lyrics to Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen” song because they have been coming to mind as I drafted this post:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody’s free oh yeah
Everybody’s free oh yeah

IRL Readers

ZOMG,

I just sent out an email to a few of my friends in real life who were avid followers of my pretty much defunct blogspot blog about my life and told them about this blog.

My email said:

Dear loyal readers of My Quarter Life Catharsis,
 
As I’m sure you have noticed my blogging has dropped off, however that’s not the whole truth. I have been a blogging fiend over on my tumblr. Tumblr is a different type of blogging community. I blog as a “fitblr” – a health and fitness blog.
 
My Tumblr has been VERRRY private for nearly a year. I warn you I blog a lot about working out and what I’m eating, but I also blog about life and what’s going on with me – much like the musings from My Quarter Life Crisis.
 
I know that many of you kept tabs on me through my blog and I want you to still be able to follow me, but I do ask if you chose to follow me please do not list my blog on any blog roll you may have. It’s weird on Tumblr I have 550+ followers that subscribe to my blog, but they are mainly strangers or people I only know through blogging so I don’t know why it scares me so much to share this with you all, but I love and trust you all…
 
http://measuringlife.tumblr.com/
 
I’m not sure if you’re able to comment on posts, but you can always message me by using the “ASK ME ANYTHING” link located on the bottom left column. Just be sure you leave your name after the message because it will come up anon. here’s a direct link to the ask page too http://measuringlife.tumblr.com/ask
 
Also be warned I have a lot of pictures of myself (DRESSED I PROMISE) and even some videos. I intend on eventually putting up more progress pictures – Some maybe me in a sports bra or something (both “before” and “after”), but nothing too inappropriate. In my blog I am pseudo anon – in the Fall I started showing my face on my blog, but I don’t use my name and I try and be somewhat vague at times. you’ll see.
 
It’s totally up to you to read my self-centered tumblr. It really is, it’s all about me. it’s vain at times, but it also keeps me accountable, so if you start reading and decide it not your cup of tea no worries. But if you like my blog or have feedback, comments, questions let me know – I do like to hear from readers, especially those who know me IRL “in real life”
 
Kisses!

Welcome REAL LIFE FRIENDS :X I mean 😀 I mean 😛