This stud (my Daddy) would have been 67 today. I’ve missed him every single day since November 18, 2007, but was glad to have him in my life for those first 24 years.
As many of you know I “adopted” ABC2 as my charity of choice as a runner. This Sunday is my 7th Race for Hope and any donations would be much appreciated: http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/site/TR/TeamraiserEvents/RFH-DC?px=3405733&pg=personal&fr_id=2652
I’ve always been a very reflective person. I’ve journaled since 1997, blogged on and off since 2006, and I’ve been an active social media user (which makes time-hop all the more fun).
Not to get all religious on people but I’ve always been a fan of the quote “To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under heaven.”
Here’s a glimpse at my recollection of where I was in December of each year.
2014-2015: Mature girlfriend. Lots of fresh balsam candles, pajamas, and holiday movies while snuggling with Freddie and T. Making it a point to spend quality time with friends throughout the month.
2012-2013: Making up for lost time drunken fest. I finally had the opportunity for all the shenanigans I always wanted to experience like dressing up like a Christmas tree for sloppy santa bar crawls. Being around great, fun, friends – eating, drinking, being merry 24/7.
2010-2011: Running and dating. Was still navigating the beginnings of my first real relationship and about year later the end of it which led to lots of dating and running. In 2010 I started my love affair with running and by December 2011 I was training for my first marathon. I was really finding myself and loving myself.
2008-2009: Lonely Decembers. I remember watching so much TV, shopping aimlessly, and crafting. I wasn’t happy for a lot of reasons and sort of hibernated. I was always so excited to roadtrip up the east coast for the holidays with visits along the way, most notably in Charlotte and Baltimore to see friends.
2007: 1st without Daddy. My dad died the Sunday before Thanksgiving so really the whole holiday season was a blur. I do recall wearing reindeer antler headbands at the bar with friends and pointing to them whenever an awkward guy would hit on us since I had recently taught them awkward antler.
2001-2006: Finals stress. Oh college and grad school. I don’t miss finals week at all. It was always a mix of studying, banging out papers, and creative procrastination. Along with lots and lots of boy band christmas cds.
1998-2000: Empty, no decorations. These were the early years after my parents got divorced and holidays turned to absolute shit. Most of this time I’ve mentally blocked, but I recall one year having a “Christmas chair” in lieu of a tree because my mom refused to put anything up.
1997: AOL isolation. I’m pretty sure I started journaling because I knew life as I knew it was changing. Puberty, the rise of AOL, my parents’ loveless marriage on it’s last legs. AOL was a place to find community (A/S/L anyone), but also a place to escape and hide. Writing was my safe place and Hanson’s Snowed In became my favorite Christmas CD (both are still true).
A life in reverse only makes sense when it’s lived in order. Each season has it’s purpose and will come and go. I’m curious to see what the future holds.
I haven’t run since Thanksgiving morning.
A long weekend followed by absolute shit weather are a toxic combination. I need to get my ass in gear after work today, just 3 miles. No excuses.
The world lost a great man 8 years ago today. My world especially got a lot dimmer and for sure a lot less funny. I miss my Daddy every single day.
He was 58, I was 24, and my sister was not quite 22. None of us were ready for him to be gone forever. My sister and I had already lost him once in 1998 when my parents separated and he moved out.
He passed away in 2007, on a Sunday morning, 3 days after gastric bypass surgery. He was still in the hospital and he essentially bled out internally. A blood transfusion and proper care could have saved his life.
I was 2.5 hours away in North Texas not having been fully informed of his post-op complications. I had just seen him for the day the prior Sunday for a visit and was scheduled to come down to Dallas Tuesday (2 days after he died) for the night before flying to NY for Thanksgiving.
Everything about that day and the weeks and months that followed, including a failed wrongful death lawsuit due to the Texas good old boys club, was a nightmare. I sometimes wish I could “Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” much of it.
I couldn’t have his death be in vain. So in 2010 I started running, I took charge of my health. I started fundraising for ABC2 since most people who have lost loved ones find solace in charity work and there wasn’t a community for my loss out there. So I adopted David Cook’s charity of choice since watching American Idol during those dark months that followed helped me get through each week.
My story is a complicated one on many levels. It’s a lot to bear – especially around the Holidays. Family drama and a mother that I have a terrible relationship with make things extra hard. My mother is currently not speaking to me for no reason at all – she left me 2 crazy voicemails including uninviting me home for Thanksgiving. Which is fine because it’s a chore to go anyway out of obligation, but somehow I will be at fault. There is no winning with her ever, my Dad was one of the few who really understand that, I miss having him on my team.
Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of my Dad’s death. Unreal. He’s been gone ¼ of my life at this point with that margin growing each passing year.
I’ll post more about him tomorrow, but I came across this pic/quote in my tumblr drafts. It was one of my Dad’s favorite quotes and I vividly remember him comforting me with these words.
I wish Time Hop included tumblr, I sometimes take pause to look at what I was blogging on this day/around this time over the years. Here’s a video presentation I posted this week last year.
Paid our respects and learned a lot at the Flight 93 Memorial. T and I have now been to all three 9/11 Memorials. #NY #USMC at Flight 93 Memorial Site – US National Park)
I realized when I posted yesterday about my Dublin Marathon fundraising for ABC2 that some of you may not be familiar with my connection to Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure (ABC2).
In November 2007 my Dad unexpectedly passed away from complications of gastric bypass surgery. I wasn’t much of an American Idol watcher, but in January-February 2008 I heard buzz about David Cook after his audition and watching/looking forward to American Idol that season helped me get through the early weeks of coping with the loss of my Dad. I became a major fan of David, his story, and his music which became part of my regular work out soundtrack.
I donated to David’s team at Race For Hope 2009. I was stunned by the bravery and dedication to run in wake of his brother’s passing from a brain tumor the night before the race. Even though I didn’t lose my Father to cancer, his loss touched me and motivated me further to get fit and healthy. The following year when David announced he was going to run Race for Hope again I knew I wanted to join him and raise money myself. I was NEVER a runner. However slowly, but surely I started.
I have gained so much from running – I’ve found peace, confidence, and good health. I’ve given myself the gift a long healthy life due to running. My hope for everyone is to have long healthy lives and finding ABC2 has been such a blessing in my life.
If you have any funds from $2.62 to $26 to donate I’d appreciate it, but I also always enjoy getting my story out.
With the days getting shorter I am still in disbelief that my out of shape self powered through late June, July and August marathon training and I came out better on the other side because of it!
I’m ready for these fall miles. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.
I tripped and fell on my easy 3 miler today.
A route I’ve taken countless times. My toe caught the lip of the uneven sidewalk and I flew. I landed so hard that my shoulder still hit and scraped the ground despite having my hands out.
I really saw my face hitting the concrete, thank God it didn’t, but it shook me the fuck up. A runner approached and asked me if I was okay/offered to help me up, but I needed a minute to sit. I haven’t tripped while running in a long time and it was fucking scary. Especially when you are 10 weeks out from an international marathon.
My 3 miles turned into 2, but I’ll be out there for my 6 tomorrow.