Tag: MLrecovery

This month has been an absolute rollercoaster in every way imaginable from great to terrible and it’s reflected on the scale.
I learned that binging is a bigger issue in my life that I thought when I’m feel stressed or out of control. I binge on work and food – sometimes together, but not always.
I often “punish” myself – I’ve learned that my workaholism that I’m in recovery for is a way that I “punish” myself for not accomplishing as much as I wanted to in a day (it especially have reared it’s ugly head when my team is understaffed and I try to overcompensate and overfunction to try and make up for being understaffed.
With food when I’m feeling out of control then I really act out and “punish” myself through binge eating. If I feel a little bit broken I tend to “self harm” through workaholism or food until I’m truly shattered.
Over the last year through ACA and therapy I’ve become more away of my workaholism and need to set boundaries. I am only now recognizing this pattern through food. Recognizing there pattern is half the battle, but there is still work to be done. I’m excited as of this week be in my “quiet” season at work, but I plan to continue to do the work I myself because I don’t want another peak season of work or life to happen and derail me.

This week’s podcast from my man @cscdanmason was just what I needed to hear tonight, especially since I ugly cried at both Dan and my therapist today.
My trauma manifests as shame. Deep seated feelings of unworthiness, being a fraud, not belonging, etc. However in the case of trauma misery loves company and when I can share my story to others who can empathize I heal and research says they heal some too. I’m still trying to figure out how to use Measuring Life to connect and build community, but that’s really what I desire more than anything. Thanks for listening.
#trauma #recoveryjourney #healingjourney #selfcare #shame

I am committing to stop putting myself last. I do it at work, at home, and everywhere in between. It is not noble, it is unhealthy and unfulfilling. I had become blind to my overfunctioning personality and only now through coaching, therapy, ACA, and other trauma work am I learning how to recognize my patterns and make a change. This is hard work, but I’m worth it and my livelihood is worth it.

The John Mayer song 1983 has always been a favorite, however, if I were to write a song that was an ode to a year (and one day I just might since one of my not-so-secret dreams is to write a Broadway musical) it would be a song titled 1997.

For me, 1997 was a big year of changes. It was the year I transitioned from the same private Catholic school I was at for grades 1-8 to an all-girls Catholic high school. It was the year we got a desktop Hewlett-Packard computer and AOL at home. It was a year when I was getting really into music, both the pop music of Hanson (who I still love) and the rock tunes of Eve6 and Bush. Rushing home to watch my beloved Carson Daly on MTV or listening to Z100 on my new cd-player boom box.

1997 was also the last year that my home wasn’t “broken.” Well, in all honestly my home was always broken, but after 1997 it became broken to the outside world. My parents separated and my Dad moved out in June 1998 right as my freshman year of high school ended leaving my sister and me to be primarily “cared” for our mentally unstable alcoholic mother. For both my sister and I, 1997 is a crystal clear frozen moment in time, it was the end of our innocence.

I think that is the main reason why I love all the 1990s nostalgia, particularly the music. Over the last few weeks I’ve attended some fantastic concerts – Incubus, Hanson, and Darius Rucker especially when he’s singing Hootie tunes (fun fact Cracked Rear View was one of the first CDs I ever owned, the first was the Clueless soundtrack). For me, music is so cathartic. It’s painful and healing all at the same time. Going to concerts is one of my absolute favorite things to do in the world. I’d like to think I go to more concerts than your average 35-year-old, but for me, concerts are a combination of church and therapy. One of my mantra’s on my recovery and healing journal has become you have to feel it to heal it. Music lets me feel and heal in a way that makes me feel safe.
#recoveryjourney #healingjourney #selfcare #selflove #nostalgia #abandonment_issues #brokenhome #childofdivorce #adultchildrenofalcoholics

For so long I felt alone in my emotional trauma, but over the past year or so I’m learning just how not alone I really am.
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My top trauma areas are:
Stress
Grief and Separation
School bullying
Parents divorce
Alcoholic mother
Gay father
Dead father
Workaholism
Financial insecurities
Relationship tension
Guilt
Shame
Isolation
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However to quote my coach @cscdanmason:
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THE QUESTION IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, IT’S HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT.
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I’ve used both low level and high level ways to coping such as:
Gossip
Alcohol
Food
Over responsibility
Yoga
Working out
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But my group couching coupled with 12 step programs, therapy, journaling, blogging, etc are where I am doing my best healing and building resilience.
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Facing your trauma is hard and can be scary, but by feeling the pain that’s how we heal.
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Thank you for being here with my on my healing journey and invite me to follow yours!

Love this Howard Thurman quote that @cscdanmason shared on his latest podcast.

I love a fresh start, that’s part of the reason I love my birthday so much. It’s a chance to make the most of the following 364 days and measure the difference. I’m really excited about what 35 will hold for me, I’m feeling more in touch with myself than I have in a while…
#liveoutloud #purposedrivenlife #joiedevivre #recoveryjourney #soundmindsoundbody

More on Well Being and Happiness

measuringlife:

Here are the rest of the notes from the workshop I went to on Well- Being this week that was offered through the Center for Consciousness and Transformation at my University (employer) 
Happiness is a choice
  • 50% is genetic
  • 40% is something you can control
  • 10% is circumstances 
Happiness strategies 
  1. express gratitude
  2. look on the bright side/cultivate optimum 
  3. don’t care yourself to others
  4. practice acts of kindness 
  5. nurture social relationships 
  6. write out pain/upset
  7. learn to forgive or let go 
  8. increase flow experience /lose track of time 
  9. savor joys of life, put time aside for it
  10. commit to goals 
  11. practice religion/spirituality 
  12. exercise, meditate, act happy (fake it til you make it)
Other thoughts and notes: 
  • Flow: focus and habits
  • Correlation between age and satisfaction – comfortable in own skin, dealing with set back
  • Overall we are too focused on negativity/weaknesses – keep a gratitude journal
  • Gratitude matters – feel happier, more determined, more energetic, more optimistic, and more likely to offer support to others. you sleep better, exercise more, and experience fewer symptoms of physical illness 
  • 9 out of 10 people say they are more productive when they are around positive people 

Reblogging myself from ~2013 as I got back and tag/reread all my posts for a project…

I went to a free improv workshop today. It was so great to light up this part of my brain again! I minored in theatre in college and did improv for 2 years as part of a troupe when I lived in Alabama. I’m thinking of signing up for a fall improv class…
#feedyoursoul #creativity #recoveryjourney #selfcare #spiritthatisnotafraid #soundmindsoundbody

The 12 Promises from ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) has really been resonating with me and my recovery journey lately. I think the work I’ve done in my ACA group the past year, the 6 months of work I did with a counselor, and now my coaching group are really helping me reveal how to live my best life…
#aca #adultchildrenofalcoholics #acoa #recovery #healingjourney #findyourpurpose #createyourself #liveoutloud